Chapter 3
The bell rang, class was over. Standing quickly, Rumi tramped for the exit. Well that was a waste. Not only had she been late, but she hadn’t even been able to pay attention to was being said. It was all Jin’s fault, every last bit. The thought made her feel self righteous, but did nothing to improve her mood.
Mentally, Rumi growled. If Jin hadn’t been such a jerk the previous night, she wouldn’t have tried to stay up, waiting for Chiyako to come home. She could have gone to bed at a reasonable time instead of falling asleep at her table around three am. If she had gotten more rest, than she wouldn’t have overslept. Even skipping breakfast, she had still arrived late for class. The withering look the professor gave her as she slipped into her seat had embarrassed her She had gotten mad at Jin all over again and wasn’t able to pay attention in class.
So now, along with being angry, she was sleepy, hungry, and frustrated. She repeated her mantra for the day. It is all Jin’s fault.
Leaving the building, Rumi noted that the day was on it’s way to being truly beautiful. It only made her temper worse. Now Jin was spoiling yet another thing. Men were so stupid! She didn’t blame Chiyako a bit for not wanting a boyfriend. They were nothing but trouble.
Behind her she heard a male voice call her name. She spun about, sure that it was going to be Jin, and just caught herself from blowing up at Matsuura. Still the look she gave him must have quite something, he literally jumped back.
"What?" Rumi tried to keep the nastiness she felt out of her voice, but it still sounded sharp to her ears.
"I, uhh. . ." Matsuura broke off and he just stared at her.
Add being snappish at Matsuura to the troubles-caused-by-Jin list. She took a deep breath and said as apologetically as possible, "I’m terribly sorry, Matsuura-san. I just didn’t get breakfast this morning. I get this way when I’m hungry." Boy that was a stupid sounding lie, but Matsuura relaxed somewhat so it looked like he believed her.
"Oh, me neither." he agreed, nodding his head vigorously. A look of thoughtfulness passed his face. "There’s a very good place around the corner. The food’s quite good, and the prices are reasonable. Would you like to join me there?"
Rumi was taken aback. This was awfully forward of him.
Matsuura took in her new look and went slightly red. "Actually," he said softly, "I wanted your advice on something." Suddenly, he reminded Rumi of her younger cousins, so cute and earnest. For the first time that day, Rumi felt her mood lightened, abet slightly.
"Oh, all right then." Being angry at Jin was causing her to take everything the wrong way. Well, she just wouldn’t think about him. She’d push all thoughts of that uncouth lout who thought he knew far more than he did, giving his opinions about others when they weren’t asked for and on top of that were completely wrong and —
Her pace had increased and Matsuura was jogging to keep up. She took a breath. Matsuura wanted advice. She wouldn’t think about that jer-, about Jin, she would concentrate only on what Matsuura wanted to ask her about. Relaxing, she slowed down and gave her companion what she thought was a reassuring smile.
Matsura seemed even more nervous now. They said nothing as they entered the restaurant. They found a table and ordered, all the while not talking or making eye contact. It’s almost like a first date. Finally Matsuura broke the silence,
"Is Namuki-san. . . I mean, is she. . .I. . ." he wasn’t able to get anything else out and lapsed into silence.
Rumi glanced about uncomfortably and then hazarded a guess. "You want to know if she’s interested in you. Correct?"
Matsuura looked greatly relieve. "Yes," he said, "at the meeting she seemed very open, but then at the picnic, well. Koishikawa-san was saying-"
"Jin doesn’t know what he’s talking about!" said Rumi decisively. The nerve, now Jin was telling others his views of Chiyako. "He doesn’t even know her; I’m the one that lives with her."
"Oh. Well then, what is she like?"
Rumi started to speak, but then paused. Of course Chiyako wasn’t the person Jin thought she was, but Rumi owed it to Matsuura to give an honest answer. She needed to be open about Chiyako’s weaknesses as well as her strengths.
"Chiyako is. . ."Rumi looked at Matsura-sans eager face. He looked so willing, so open. He really would make a good match for Chiyako. "She’s really sweet. She’s just impulsive and sometimes does things without thinking. But underneath she really means well. She’s just starting college and is away from her family." That sounded accurate, but Matsuura’s face showed disappointment. Her explanation didn’t justify Chiyako’s behavior at the picnic. Why did men always get stuck on silly points like that? "You know, she’s never really dated just one person before."
"Oh" Matsura seemed surprised.
"No, I don’t think she’s ever been in love." And if you’ve never been in love, you can’t know what it’s like. Of course Chiyako would carry on with any number of men, she just thought of them all as friends. When she finally fell in love, the way Rumi had fallen in love with Jin, then she wouldn’t go to such lengths to attract men.
Jin. Even when he was a jerk, Rumi still knew that she loved him. Growing up together, they had been best friends, completely inseparable And then he had spent a summer break visiting relatives. Without Jin around, she felt empty and only half alive. When he returned he told her he had felt the same. It was then that they pledged their love and started dating. She felt a smile creep onto her features. Drat, she wanted to stay mad at him some more.
Rumi became aware that her companion was speaking, and forced herself to return to the present conversation.
". . . Namuki-san seems so worldly, I would have thought that she . . ." Matsuura looked even more seriously, "Do you think she might want to date me?"
Rumi gave this some thought. There was no worse thing a person could do than give bad advise. Part of her wanted to assure Matsuura that her roommate would love to date him. But it was a cruel thing to get his hopes up now only to have them dashed later. Right, honesty was the best policy.
"I can’t answer that. The only way to know is to ask."
The other nodded. It wasn’t the answer he was hoping to get. Rumi found herself wanting desperately to cheer him up.
"Hey, I know. I’ll ask her for you. I’ll see if she’s interested."
It was as if a weight had been lifted, Matsuura even seemed to get taller. "Would you? I’d really appreciate it."
"Sure, no problem." It really shouldn’t be, Rumi rationalized to herself. It might even be the best way. Rumi knew if she wasn’t dating and a guy asked her out, she’d probably say yes just so she wouldn’t hurt his feelings. This way, Matsuura would know for sure.
"Listen," said Matsuura, getting up, "I have another class now. Can I pay for your breakfast?"
"Oh, I couldn’t-"
"No, I insist. You’re doing me a great service." He went the lightest shade of pink and Rumi wondered if he was blushing or if it was only the light, "Look, if Namuki-san isn’t interested, that’s okay. I’m very glad to have met both you and Koishikawa-san, we should get together and do stuff regardless. Okay?"
"Sure, absolutely." She smiled as Matsuura left. What a nice fellow. It would be just perfect if Chiyako was interested. She finished her breakfast imaging all sorts of futures. They weren’t serious, just frivolous little stories to amuse herself. Still, wouldn’t it be something to have a double wedding?
When Rumi got home she was pleased to see that Chiyako was up, although still in her bed clothes.
"I’ve decided to skip all my classes today." she announced happily. "You want to go shopping?"
"I still have physics," Rumi said apologetically.
"What, didn’t you take that in high school? Come on, college is all about avoiding work."
Only for non-science majors, thought Rumi, but she wanted to spend some time with her roommate and so she said "Okay, besides I couldn’t concentrate in class anyway."
"Why's that?"
Rumi sighed. "Jin and I had a fight last night."
"A fight?" Chiyako sat up, alert. "You didn’t break up or anything."
"Oh no!" Rumi assured Chiyako and noticed the other’s shoulders relax a bit, "It wasn’t a big fight or anything. But I was mad. Shopping is just what I need."
"Great. Listen, I think we should get you some new clothes. I was looking through your closet and couldn’t find a thing to borrow.
"Not at all?" Rumi realized that her wardrobe wasn’t quite as stylish as Chiyako’s but she didn’t think it was quite that bad.
"Nope." Chiyako was getting dressed, which mostly involved holding outfits up, snorting at them, and throwing them down on the bed. "You’re stuff isn’t bad, but it’s so quiet. I think with just a few flashier pieces you could really stand out. In a positive way I mean. I know you already have a boyfriend, but it’s still fun to have guys heads turn when you walk by."
Chiyako was both insulting and complimenting her. It left Rumi feeling mostly flattered, but still a bit offended. "Well, that sounds okay. I guess."
Her roommate had finally deemed a shirt appropriate, and pulled it over her head. She continued on in an enthusiastic manner. "And if you want, I was thinking that we should get you a makeover, and maybe a haircut and a perm. Oh, yah, and we should get you contacts, those glasses hide your eyes too much."
Rumi looked in the mirror, trying to imagine herself. "How about if we start with the clothes, and I’ll think about the rest."
"You don’t trust me, do you?" Rumi blushed embarrassed, and Chiyako continued dramatically, "I’ll have you know, that I have read hundreds of magazine articles on makeovers. I went though a period in my high school days when I made myself over every week. Excuse me, I need the mirror for my make up."
Moving out of the way, Rumi asked doubtfully, "You didn’t really, did you?"
Chiyako was puckering her lips to apply lipstick and simply nodded. Rumi watched carefully. She had been forbidden to wear makeup until after high school graduation. Over the spring break she had experimented, but the results hadn’t pleased her. Maybe she would let Chiyako give her a make over, eventually.
"There was a time when I couldn’t remember what my real hair color was. I had to wait a month so I could see the roots." Her face finished to her satisfaction, Chiyako gave one last look in the mirror and said, "Well, shall we shop till we drop?"
It was precisely what they did. Chiyako turned out to be an excellent bargain shopper and in the end, Rumi was surprised by how little they paid. The downside was that they were completely worn out from the hunt. They relaxed in a coffee shop.
It had been a great day, and Rumi felt comfortable enough to ask the question that had been on the tip of her tongue since she got home.
"So Chiyako." Chiyako looked up, "I was wondering what you thought of Matsuura-san?"
"Matsuura-san?" she got a distant look on her face and Rumi started to get nervous. Maybe Matsuura had left no impression on her at all. "Oh, Youji-kun! The cute mathematical tennis player! What about him?"
Taking a deep breath, Rumi blurted out, "Well, I think he likes you, and I was wonder if you’d ever consider going out with him."
"Sure."
Rumi was taken aback. She had been certain she’d have to do some convincing to get the other to consider the possibility.
"I was planning on asking him out myself. I’ve always liked dating smart guys. Besides, Matsuura-san’s family is pretty well off, you never go wrong by getting the rich ones to take you out."
Rumi gave a tight smile. The reasons Chiyako was giving seemed awfully superficial. And if anything, gave support to what Jin had been asserting the previous night. But he had to be wrong. Chiyako wasn’t really that shallow, she just sounded like it.
Like the whole business with the clothes this morning. Rumi had worried that Chiyako would pressure her into buying all sorts of things. But in the end, her roommate had been quite consciencious of both Rumi’s taste and expense allowance. They had only purchased items that Rumi really liked and felt comfortable with. In the case of a more expensive sweater, Chiyako had bought it herself, assuring Rumi that she could wear it whenever she wanted.
It was just Chiyako’s way of speaking that made her seem petty, nothing more. Her actual character was truly good. Of course, Jin would have only seen the superficial stuff, that’s why he’d jumped to his inaccurate conclusions. When he got to know Chiyako better, he’d see just how off base he was.
"You know, I think I’ll ask Youji-kun out this Friday. And you need to make up with your boyfriend. We can go out, the four of us. Wouldn’t want all these outfits to go to waste."
Jin took a quick look about the table. Rumi sat to his right, across from him sat Chiyako, and on her left, facing Rumi, sat Matsura. For about the tenth time that evening the thought to himself, I shouldn’t be having this much fun.
He had been apprehensive about this evening. No, that was an understatement. He had been dreading this evening for the entire week. If it had been up to him alone, he would never have agreed to go on a double date with this lot.
Under normal circumstances, he would have just told Rumi no. Unfortunately, he was not allowed to act like a jerk when he was apologizing for being one. Rumi had not been nearly so mad at him as he expected. Jin would have liked to think that it was due to the lovely roses he brought, but he soon found that Rumi had been hatching a plan, and he was an integral part of it.
"I think a date this Friday would be super. Let’s double date with Chiyako, she knows just the place. How does Italian cuisine sound?"
"I was thinking just the two of us — "
"Oh no, this is an apology date, so I get to set the rules. Besides, I think you’d be interested to know who Chiyako’s date will be."
"You’re obviously going to tell me." Jin was interested despite himself.
"Hmmpf, I should just make you wait until you pick us up. But I can’t keep a secret like that from you. It’s Matsuura-san." Rumi’s face lit up like she’d just received a present.
Jin wasn’t terribly impressed, "Does Namuki-san know about this?" He asked drolly.
Rumi’s answer was just as deadpan, "I should think so, after all, she was the one who asked him out." Rumi went back to excited sunshine mode, "See, you were wrong about Chiyako. Which is another reason to go on a double date. You owe Chiyako an apology, or you would if she knew what you said about her. Don’t worry she doesn’t. So Friday at 7:00, the reservations are for 7:30, and it’s close, so we should have plenty of time to get there. Oh and I love the flowers, yellow is my favorite color."
Jin said nothing, aloud that is. Mentally he said: Just because your roommate has conceded to date Matsuura does not mean she has any intention of starting a serious relationship. In fact, it would probably hurt the guy a lot more to get officially dumped, or worse, linger on thinking he has a chance, than if he never dated her in the first place.
But if Rumi were to take his opinions seriously, he’d have to tell her of his first meeting with Namuki. Which was something that he had promised not reveal, and he just couldn’t bring himself to break that promise. So he remained silent, feeling guilty for what he was sure would transpire.
But it hadn’t. From the very beginning the date had gone well. And it was mostly due to Namuki.
"Okay, first we break the ice." she announced as she and Rumi came down to meet them. "I’m calling you Youji-kun and I’m calling you Jin-kun, otherwise this will feel too much like a business dinner. Got it? Now, compliment your dates, we worked quite a while to get ourselves looking this good."
"You," Matsuura-san replied on cue, "You both, look great."
"Absolutely." agreed Jin. And they really did. Chiyako could have stepped off the cover of a magazine and Rumi. . . Rumi always looked pretty, but tonight she looked different. More grown-up. Her hair was undone, held back with a hair band. And she was wearing a skirt blazer combination that he hadn’t seen before.
The evening proceeded smoothly after that. The restaurant was quite charming and the food was excellent, although Jin wasn’t sure if Tempura pizza was classic Italian.
Afterwards Rumi proposed a walk, to get rid of all the extra calories, and so they had headed off for the park, the large one where the picnic had been held. At this point, the two couples drifted apart. Rumi and he, lagging just far enough behind to be out of earshot.
"Well, did you think the evening would go this well?" Asked Rumi in a semi-whisper.
Jin smiled and shook his head, "Not in a million years."
"I told you." she said smugly, "I didn’t think it would go this well either, actually. But I think those two are really hitting it off, don’t you?."
"Could be."
"Did Matsuura-kun say anything when you went to the washroom?"
"Rumi," Jin pursed his lips, "Men do not used the bathroom at a pretense for conversations. We didn’t discuss anything."
"What a waste. Chiyako said she’s having an absolutely great time. She says none of the college boys she dated before were as witty and intelligent as Matsuura-kun."
"When was she dating college guys before?"
"When she was in high school. Really Jin, not everyone’s boring, like us."
"I like boring."
"Me too." said Rumi, laughing.
Eventually the two groups rejoined. It’s a perfect balance of personalities, us four, Jin thought. Chiyako’s the worldly one, Matsuura’s the one with the quick wit, Rumi’s the mischievous one, and I’m the all around nice guy. Well maybe not.
Overall it was one of the most pleasant evenings of his life. He was sorry to see it end.
"No, not that rose, the one next to it, please."
"Oh," said the flower lady, "You want the big one."
"Yes." replied Youji sheepishly.
"Well," the woman smiled kindly at him, "It’s the prettiest. I’m sure the recipient will be very pleased."
"I hope so."
Youji paid for the wrapped flower and started for Chiyako’s place. He hoped this wasn’t too forward. Girls liked to get flowers, and well, he wanted Chiyako to know he was serious about her.
Last night had been incredible. Everything had just clicked. There were no awkward pauses, no one had been left out. They were all well matched. And more than that, he felt he had hit it off with Chiyako.
She was, as he had told his sister a week ago, soo cool. So stylish and poised. Whereas Yamashita-kun would break into giggles, Chiyako-kun could convey her ammusement in a grin.
He had to keep himself from sprinting. As he rounded the corner he could see another fellow with flowers. Must be that kind of day, he decided. The guy looked familiar. Where had he seen him before? While he was pondering this, Chiyako came out of the building. What luck, he had just caught her. Youji was opening his mouth to call to her, when the other guy presented his flowers to Chiyako. She took them, smiling and the guy pointed to the car standing by the curb.
Silently, Youji watched as he opened the door for her and then got in his side. As the car pulled away, he noticed the bumper sticker for the Tennis circle from the previous year.
He knew where he’d seen the fellow. At the picnic, and at the meeting earlier. It was the Circle president, Hirokazu Nibashi. He looked to the wrapped flower in his had. Well, I’ve got to be the world's biggest idiot.
There was a bus stop bench nearby, and he sat down. But she had said she was having the best night. She said she really liked being with me. We made plans to get together by ourselves this week.
Maybe she had made the other date previously and was committed. Who was he kidding. More likely she just tells every guy those lines, said a nasty voice inside him. He searched his vocabulary for a nasty word, none of the Japanese ones seem good enough, so he resorted to his English. What was the word? "Duck." he said under his breath, it sounded slightly wrong, but it made him feel better, "Duck. Duck. Duck."
"Youji-kun?" a voice behind him said.
He jumped up, spinning about to find Yamashita-kun looking carefully at him.
She smiled. "What’s that? Flowers for Chiyako? You better hurry, I think she was going to run errands today."
"I saw her leave already," Youji informed her. Were you in on it too, were you laughing at me as I left?
Rumi looked confused, "But if you saw her leave, why didn’t you give her the. .."
Her face scrunched up, concerned. "Would you like to wait for her?"
"That won’t be necessary."
Rumi’s voice became soft, "What’s going on, Matsuura-kun?"
He didn’t want to say anything. Part of him was screaming for him to just turn around and go home. But another part of him wanted desperately to tell someone. And Yamashita-san seemed genuinely concerned. She obviously didn’t know where Chiyako had gone. He took a breath and said:
"I saw her get into a car with the president of the tennis circle. I think. . . I’m sure, they were going on a date."
A look of horror passed across Rumi’s face. She looked up at the apartment building, and back again at Youji. Behind her glasses, her eyes looked terribly sympathetic. "Oh, Matsuura-san. I’m sorry," she repeated it in a whisper, "I’m sorry."
Youji tried to laugh, to keep his voice upbeat, "Does she do this a lot?"
Rumi could only look at the ground. "Matsuura-kun," she said, her voice more serious than he had heard before, "I don’t know why she did this. But I will find out."
"You don’t need to. . ."
Yamashita-kun shook her head, refusing his offer. "No, I’ll find out. And I’ll give her your flower."
It was a very disgruntled Chiyako who returned to her apartment a few hours later. Well that was a wasted afternoon, at least it was a nice meal.
When that Hirokazu had invited her out on Wednesday she had been wonderfully pleased. He was a fourth year student, and had already been accepted at a large company. Furthermore, he was also an advertising major, and Chiyako was hoping he could give her some contacts.
The date had started quite well. The flowers she still held in her hands were pretty, even if they were only tulips. He had been charming, and they had found they had very similar personalities. He had even commented that she reminded him of himself, his first year. She had thought that meant he wanted a relationship, which was why his next comment threw her for a loop.
"So, tell me about your roommate, Yamashita Rumi?"
"What? Why do want to know about her?"
"Well," he actually had the nerve to blush at this point, "She seems really sweet. Is she dating anyone seriously?"
Chiyako’s mouth fell open and in a voice not nearly as sophisticated as she wished she said, "Excuse me, but aren’t we out on a date?"
He laughed uncomfortably, "Namuki-san, I’m sorry. I. . .well the truth is, if I were a year younger I’d be more than pleased to date you. Unfortunately, I’m graduating, and my family is expecting me to marry. I don’t think your ready to settle down yet, are you?"
"No, of course not."
"That’s what I thought. But your roommate, Yamashita-san, she’s not from a big city and I was thinking that she might be more agreeable to such a suggestion. Besides, my mother is quite picky when it comes to future in-laws. She actually did some background checking, and Yamashita-san’s family turned out highly acceptable. You understand of course. No hurt feelings?"
"None what so ever." she said evenly, although inside she was raging. "As for my roommate, I’m sure you won’t have any troubles. She has a boyfriend, but they’re not too attached. I’m sure with just a bit of persuasion will take care of it."
She excused herself as soon as it was possible to leave. He offered to drive her home, but she refused. She needed the walk to calm her nerves.
What a loser. Oh well, there were plenty of fish in the sea. Youji-kun for one, or this one guy who lived down the hall. One thing was for certain, she thought as she climbed the stairs to her room, she wouldn’t be staying home moping after that guy.
And she already had some plans for Hirokazu-san. Rumi would help her too, this could be fun.
She opened the door to see Rumi looking up at her. "Want some flowers?" Chiyako asked dryly.
Rumi did not smile. "You can put them in the vase, along with your rose."
"Uh, Koishikawa-san." said his roommate in a shadow of a voice, "There's a girl downstairs asking for you. I think she’s, like, upset or something. Make all the noise you want, I’m going to be unconscious for the next eight hours." He did a controlled fall onto the futon and appeared to be instantly unconscious. Jin counted. I last saw him Thursday, did he get any sleep since then?
Quietly he left the room to see who was his visitor. It was Rumi. She looked a mess. Her nose was running, her eyes were red.
Jin ran to her and she threw herself into his arms and commenced sobbing.
"There, there." he said softly. "It’s okay, it’s okay."
After a bit, Rumi calmed done. "Sorry," she mumbled into his shirt.
"It’s okay," Jin assured her again.
"Chiyako and I, we had a fight." she sniffled, "Can we go to your room, to talk?"
"Umm, actually my roommate chose today to come home. But there’s a garden out back which is pretty private. Let’s go there, okay?"
She nodded, and they proceeded to the back yard and found a bench. Rumi blew her nose in Jin’s proffered hankieand composed herself before beginning her story. She started with her meeting with Matsuura that morning and how she had waited for Chiyako to return to confront her about her second date.
"She wasn’t the least bit apologetic. And when I said she shouldn’t be leading him on, that she should choose one guy and stick with him, she got nasty. She said I was just a simple country girl and I should stick to simple relationships. And it just got worse from there. Oh, Jin, you were right. She isn’t a nice person. She isn’t at all what I thought." Rumi broke down completely and Jin held her tightly.
He tried to appear calm, but inside he was fuming. If only he had said something earlier about Namuki-san’s character, neither Rumi nor Matsuura would have been hurt. Why had he let her talk him into silence?
Rumi sniffled and said, "I can’t go back. I can’t stay there, Jin." horror dawned on her face, "Where am I going to stay tonight? My wallet’s back in my room, I need money to rent a hotel room, or-"
"Don’t worry about that," Jin assured her.
"But I can’t stay with you, especially if your roommate is in!"
"There’s a girl across the hall from us. I’ll ask her. I’m sure it will be just fine."
"But, I don’t have any things, I-"
"I’ll go to your apartment. I’ll get whatever you need. Don’t worry about a thing."
This calmed Rumi down. They sat for while, Rumi telling him more and more of the details, while Jin listened and privately fumed. It had been quite the fight with name calling and accusations. After about an hour, Jin arranged for Rumi’s room and headed out to her apartment to collect her necessary personal items. He hadn’t mentioned it to Rumi, but he had some things of his own to say to Namuki.
He removed his shoes and went straight to her room. She didn’t answer his first knockings. "Namuki-san," he said in a loud voice while knocking again, "It’s Koishikawa, I’ve come to get some of Rumi’s things."
This time the door was answered. Namuki didn’t look at him, she just returned to her desk and sat down at her chair. Like Rumi earlier, she was a mess. But where Rumi had been a bundle of nerves, ready to burst, Namuki looked like she had burst and now had nothing left to fray.
He started gathering Rumi’s things in a bag. He had planned a few different speeches on the way over, but seeing Namuki like this, he had lost the energy to say anything. In the end, it was she who broke the silence.
"Is she moving out?" she asked flatly.
"Yes, yes she is."
There was more silence, and then, "I really messed things up royally." It was a statement, not a question.
"Yes, yes you did." He agreed. He had found all the things Rumi needed. He could leave now. Instead he went to the other chair and sat down, watching Namuki. This wasn’t what he expected. He was sure that she would be self-righteous, indignant, and convinced that she had done no wrong. He hadn’t expected this at all.
"Why did you do it?" He asked, curious more than anything, at what she would say.
She shrugged and sighed, "Which part? I always act and say stuff without thinking. I always screw up that way. I don’t know why. I shouldn’t have said those things to Rumi." Chiyako’s eyes met his, "I really like her, you know. I didn’t mean any of those things I said, not really. I know she doesn’t want to see me. It’s okay, but, could you tell her I’m sorry?"
"Are you going to tell Matsuura-san your sorry?" Jin’s voice held more of an edge than he wanted it to, but Matsuura had been injured by all of this also.
Namuki’s eyes narrowed slightly, and in a more controlled voice she said, "I’ll apologize to Youji for not being who he thought I was. He’s a great guy, and I like him. But, unlike you and Rumi, I don’t want a significant other." Her voice became louder, more decisive, "I don’t want to be tied down. I don’t want to be on an emotional rollercoster and spend my time trying to second guess what someone else wants. I don’t want be like my-"
She stopped. Her eyes were wide, staring at him. He looked back at her, saying nothing. After a time, Namuki slumped slightly, not taking her eyes off him, she began speaking, again in her flat voice,
"When my mother has too much to drink, she tells me about him. About the man she fell in love with. She gets all happy at first, telling me about how the sky was bluer, and the birds sang sweeter, and how everything was just wonderful because they were in love. All the stuff they sing about. And they were going to get married and every thing. But then she got pregnant, with me. And he didn’t stick around. She waited for him for almost two years, but he never came back. So much for true love, huh?"
Jin saw her jaw clench, saw her make a fist. It was a different Namuki than he had seen before. And yet, there were aspects of her personality, that he had seen glimpses of, but that he hadn’t picked up on earlier.
"You know," Namuki’s voice was almost a whisper, "I’ve never told anyone this. You don’t mind, do you?"
"No," replied Jin quietly. "You don’t have to tell me."
"I think I want to."
"Alright then."
Namuki took a few breaths and continued. "She moved away, from her family and his, my father’s family. She went to Hiroshima and said she was a widow. And one day, she met another man. He said he loved her, and wanted to marry her. And she told him she wasn’t really a widow, and he told her he didn’t care. He offered to marry her, to adopt me, to bribe the Family Registry to list himself as my father so no one would ever know. She told him that she didn’t love him. He said he still wanted to marry her, and eventually she’d grow to love him.
"So they got married. And that’s why my last name is Namuki. Namuki-san’s nice to my mother and me. He gets us whatever we want. I call him father because Mother tells me to. And I tell him I love him because Mother tells me to. And she tells him she loves him, and that she’s happy.
"Except, when he’s away on business trip, she drinks, and then she tells me the truth. Never fall in love. Never give yourself to a man until he gives you his promise in writing. When you get married, be smart. Think with your mind and your stomach. Don’t follow your heart.
"She’s lying when she says she loves Namuki-san, but she’s not lying when she says she’s happy. She can be happy because she doesn’t love him, because he can’t hurt her."
Shaking now, her teeth chattering, Chiyako stood. Defiantly she spoke,
"I’m going to be smart. I’m not going to get hurt like that. I’ll date whoever I want, and if they fall in love with me, then it’s not my fault. I’m never going to fall in love. You can’t make me fall in love." Chiyako started gasping, the tears ran down her face.
In a single movement, Jin was out of his chair, holding her. At first she tried to resist, tried to struggle. Jin almost let go, confused why he had acted.. But then she stopped wriggling and threw her arms around him. She was sobbing now, like Rumi had done earlier.
But this was deeper, more primal. Jin held Her for a long time before she became quiet. Still she didn’t let go. One of Jin’s legs was falling asleep, but he said nothing. What kind of mother tells her daughter not to fall in love? What kind of person can one become if they deny their emotions?
There were sharp needles driving into his leg right now. He’d have to move soon. Jin shifted slightly, and Chiyako looked up, releasing him.
"I’m, I’m, I’m so sorry, I-"
"Don’t be sorry, Namuki-san. Sit down." He gestured and she sat down. Jin stretched his legs for a few seconds and then pulled his chair over to her.
"I should be the one apologizing. I didn’t know."
Chiyako hiccuped, "And I was dropping so many clues." She hiccuped again, maybe it was a giggle. Then more softly she said, "Koishikawa-san, I really have never told anyone this before. I don’t know why I told you. Koishi-"
"Jin." he said.
She looked at him. "You can call me Jin. And don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone." He turned to face her, wanting her to read the earnestness in his eyes. He had looked into her eyes on the first day of class, and they had looked nothing like they did now. Back then they had been flashy and knowing. Now they were red-shot, and wide open.
As he looked at her, unable and unwilling to turn away, she moved slightly, raising her face closer to his. He could feel her breath on his face, hear her heart pounding. Or was that his own? She continued to advance, and now her lips were pressed to his. Their noses touched. Their eyes stared at each other without blinking. They were kissing.
copyright Kim Smuga-Otto 1999